I met a new friend this weekend, we hung out, drank beer, and had an in depth yet utterly pointless discussions about the philosophy of ethics (such discussions, although fun, usually come to no definitive conclusion). It's rare to meet someone that is so open about their beliefs and feelings around a complete stranger, its refreshing, and puts me at ease (most strangers make me nervous).
Anyway, she told me that she has an innate talent for "reading people," a talent that I often wish I had, but don't. She demonstrated this ability by telling everyone in the room something profound about themselves. I was skeptical at first but as she made her way around the room it seemed that people mostly agreed with her observations. The most important thing to S is justice. C just wants to be loved. Then she got to me. She was unable to tell what I was looking for in life, she said that I have a very layered personality but that my true self is not as hidden as I think it is.
Her reading of me was very vague (as such things always are), but I thought a lot about what she said. I, myself, don't really know what I'm searching for. I know that I am searching for something, but I have no idea what. I think this is what leads to my restlessness in life and love. I am always pushing for the next big thing, the next season, the next place to live, the next group of friends, the next lover. So much so, that I often have a hard time being happy for any extended period of time. Not to say that I am unhappy, it's just that I always have this nagging feeling that I would be much happier if I could somehow get to where I want to be in life. The problem is, once I get there, that spot doesn't seem as fulfilling as I thought it would be (the "grass is always greener" syndrome).
As for my personality I know that I am layered, this is something that I have been trying to fix for some time now. I find that being myself is one of the hardest things to do, and that staying myself, especially in the company of strangers, takes a lot of concentration. Though it's a comfort to know, that during my constant battle with these "layers," my true self is not as hidden as I think. This is something that I did not realize about myself and it is a true compliment.